"You just don't know," she said. "You hide in this little fortress, behind wire and sandbags, and you don't know ... Sometimes I want to eat this place. The whole country — the dirt, the death — I just want to swallow it and have it there inside me. That's how I feel. It's like this appetite. I get scared sometimes — lots of times — but it's not bad. You know? I feel close to myself. When I'm out there at night, I feel close to my own body, I can feel my blood moving, my skin and my fingernails, everything, it's like I'm full of electricity and I'm glowing in the dark — I'm on fire almost — I'm burning away into nothing — but it doesn't matter because I know exactly who I am. You can't feel like that anywhere else."